the open relationship

We've been together for about three years, but now, as freshmen in college, we're branching out into an open relationship. This is a record, mainly for us, of our experiences.

For all of Sylvia's posts, click here.

For all of Ron's posts, click here.

My world has ended, I don’t know why I still have to go to practice, go to class, write papers.  

Charlie left me. He says he doesn’t love me romantically any longer. I’m like his sister. I’m so lost.

He says it’s because I lie. Because I’m seeing someone else. Because he can’t trust me, he doesn’t want to be close to me. It hurts, it hurts so much. I’ve barely gotten out of bed all week. 

If there’s anything I’ve learned from being in an open relationship, it’s that you have to be willing to lose the person you’re with. If I’d known this would happen, it wouldn’t have been worth it. I’ve always tried to convince myself that I’m independent, that I don’t want to get married, I’d don’t need a family, because that’s what I thought strong women were supposed to do. That’s nowhere near true, not for me. I’m strong when I’m with you, when I have you by my side. When I can come home with you at the end of the day, and not have to doubt how you feel. I can’t fall asleep without you next to me.

I don’t want to fight with you, but there’s no one else I’d rather fight with. And I will wait, whether you care or not. Whether it’s until next month, or next year, or after we graduate from college. I’ll be here, and I’ll be the best damn friend you’ve ever had until you can love me again. 

If there’s anything I’ve learned about being in an open relationship, it’s that losing you wasn’t worth it.

Hey, I would ramble about the whole ‘haven’t blogged in months’ thing for a bit, but frankly, who really cares.

The good news is I’m back and I’m blogging for all of you eager potential open relationship-ers. 

A Brief History of my Universe:

The Good- I’ve been job hunting! Lots, and lots, and lots of job hunting. Sylvia and I are still together! and in our polyamorous relationship! Sylvia and James have taken their relationship to new heights, they might even ‘love’ each other; or so I’ve been told. Katie and I are still close and talk about almost everything with each other.

The Bad- 50+ applications later, I’ve yet to GET a job, and only 2 interviews (how ‘bout that economy, eh?). I sprained my knee and got shin splints. I don’t think I’ve gotten laid in 2 weeks. I don’t understand the course material in half of my classes. I’m in a large amount of debt. I feel, helpless and alone.

The Ugly- Really, really in debt. As in, ‘probably going to move out soon’ debt. I experienced my darkest hour last week; I slapped Sylvia for the first and last time. She’ll tell you she deserved it, but no matter what the reason, it was unnecessary and the lowest thing I’ll have ever done. I can’t make her happy any more. We’re not honest with each other, honestly. And more often than not, she’d prefer to be with James over me.

Back to the whole, ‘Open Relationship’ thing. We’re still going, and I’m still 1 person away from being even. If anything, it’s gotten harder to maintain. We’re angry more often than not; we have to consciously work to maintain good attitudes. Hell, I have to ask for a kiss. And you know whose fault it is? Your truely. 

It’s not the relationship that will break you; the jealousy, the pain, the curiosity— no. It’s yourself. If you have issues, things you’ve buried, regrets, shortcomings, whatever— they will come up and haunt you. You’ll push your partner away. Don’t try to fix the relationship, fix yourself. I had to learn that the hard way. Take it from me.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hey guys, please update soon. I have to admit that this blog is rather interesting and it's helping me with my own evolving relationship.
theopenrelationship theopenrelationship Said:

Hey, we’re going to try to update more often, now that fall semester is over!

Everything feels wrong, except for him.

Okay so, I haven’t blogged in quite some time, though I kinda wish I had. It has now been several weeks since we began this “open relationship” and I have to say, it’s good, but I expected better.

Maybe i’m sour, or maybe I just haven’t gotten as much as I’d hoped. The past few weeks, Sylvia has gone to several parties, and slept with several other people. To be honest, I’m happy about this. She has been happier and easier to deal with than ever, which is so nice :D but I still wish I could have someone of my own. Even just one other person to talk to and (maybe) have sex with. It’s not that I’m trying to spite her or be disloyal, but it would be much easier to deal with my overarching feelings of jealousy if I had someone else to comfort me. 

Nevertheless, I’ve managed to make it this far without too much apparent effort. And I don’t intend on stopping any time soon, even if it means I spend more lonely nights than otherwise. :D

I didn’t have the strength to push through an awkward conversation with James, but when I get up to it, here’s a bit of what I want to say:

Can I just tell you something? I’m about to give you a bit of a monologue: prepare yourself. I love sleeping with you. Physically, it’s fantastic. But I’ve got this irritating dichotomy in my head. I don’t want to be emotionally involved because you don’t want to, because that doesn’t fit under the idea of ‘fuck buddies.’ At the same time, I adore you, and I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to stop it. I think you already knew that I care for you, and I don’t want to compromise what we have physically, but I’m just wondering, well, selfishly, I’m wondering if you feel anything for me. But that’s not what I want to ask you. I want to ask what I can do to make you happy. When I text you, you seem a bit short with me, like you don’t want to talk, and it’s fine if you don’t, I wouldn’t be offended. I want to know what you want out of this, and if you want to set the parameters - you tell me when we’re meeting instead of me initiating, or what? What would you like?

From this day forward, I’ll be blogging every other day (or as close to every other day as possible) with no regard for whenever Sylvia wants to blog. I’ve taken a liking to this brain-dumping, word-vomiting, feeling expulsiony thingy they refer to as blogging, and nagging (bothering?) Sylvia just gets old.

Onto real words and things. As Sylvia mentioned, she’d gone to a party, had a lack luster threesome, and before then, had some excellent sex with James. Me being the insecure twat that I am, I got jealous/felt inadequate; I still hadn’t gotten any, from anyone, even Sylvia for a while. When I mentioned this to her, she only got angry, saying, “I didn’t know that you wanted to…” when clearly, I’d made my advances known. I persisted until eventually she relented, “If you’re more forceful, it’ll turn me on and I’ll actually want it.” This was a new concept to me, one that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with. While the idea of rough sex appealed to me in an erotic sense, forcing myself to physically dominate and (to a certain extent) hurt Sylvia was scary. So what did I do? Got drunk and gave it a whirl! Surprisingly, this didn’t end badly, but because of her physical issues, Sylvia couldn’t thoroughly enjoy it.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, less interesting and explicit topics. James and Sylvia are getting closer, whether she’s convinced or not. But honestly, I feel strangely okay with it. I’m still having issues coping with the sexual end of it (because I’m insecure) but for everything else, I’ve recently noticed a shift in my thinking. While previously, every interaction would send me down two tracks:

Happy - that Sylvia was finding happiness with someone else

Angry- that her happiness wasn’t from me

But nowadays, I guess from familiarity, I’ve been able to consciously ignore the jealousy factor and simply focus on the positive ends of the situation.

It does help that, for the past week and a half, I’ve been studying the finer intricacies of Polyamorous relationships for my 7 page ENGL 101 paper on, you guessed it, non-monogamous relationships. One particular aspect that stuck out to me was the transformation of jealousy into sympathetic joy. There was/is the issue that no antonym to ‘jealousy’ exists in any human language. From there comes the concept of ‘Sympathetic Joy’ or the idea that someone can take happiness that their partner is emotionally fulfilled by another. Because jealousy is a ‘genetically routed’ emotion, it takes a conscious effort to convert from selfish fulfillment and exclusivity, to selflessness and openness. And I think I might be there, which gives me hope, and pride that I’ve reached a new level of selflessness.

On a lighter note, I met a girl last week after engineering lecture. She was cute, nice, and rode a bike. We talked for a while and I got her name; Emma. Unfortunately, I had to leave in a rush and never got her last name or any contact info. So tomorrow, I can only hope that I can catch her by the bike rack and maybe invite her to the party Friday. :D

Life has a funny way of bringing you the things used to wanted at the most inopportune times.

I went out to a party this weekend (halloweekend, holla!) and ended up getting a bit tipsy and going home with a couple. I’d been wanting to try either sleeping with a girl or having a threesome for a long time, so finally having the opportunity was AWESO——-no. I’m having this issue with starting the pill, where I’ve essentially been unable to have sex for the past week. Woo! I ended up making out with both the girl and the guy, but couldn’t add much to the experience. It was nice, but not the timing I would’ve hoped for. 

It’s also strange to come to an experience you expected to find exciting and anjoyable, with new people, and realize you’d rather be at home, just snuggling with either one of the other two men in my life. James and I have gotten more into the habit of hanging out and seeing each other. Sometimes it seems like he’s willing to be more than friends and sometimes it seems that we’re barely there, but overall it’s getting better. 

Tomorrow, we’re hanging out during the afternoon. I’m going to take my own advice and try to talk to him about the ‘more than friends’ issue. I don’t want to be fuck buddies with someone I think I love, but I’d rather be that than nothing. I think I’ll tone it down for him, though. I’ll tell him I like him, and see what he says. 


(Title quote is from this post (Your Life Is Not A Movie) by the-frenemy, who is fantastic.

HEY, GUESS WHAT!? SYLVIA FINALLY POSTED! After about an entire week of nagging (such a feminine term), I managed to get her to blog. To her credit, it’s been exam week, and it’s been pretty hectic.

On an unrelated note, this weekend was interesting. As Sylvia mentioned, we (those of us at the house) got plastered on Friday night. But, what she didn’t say, is that the two girl that I invited, Kristy and Alexandria, came and got wasted too. Bow chicka wowwwwwwNOT. Alexandria came early and we talked, which was nice. But she wouldn’t drink because she was alone (go figure). Once Kristy showed up we played kings and got pretty messed up, which was nice. We wrestled, played fuck the dealer, got random bruises, and watched a very drunk iteration of ‘The Thing’. Once we were all sufficiently tired, I proffered that we might all just pass out, but since there is only one couch I’dve been willing to let someone use my bed. While this was overtly sexual, it wasn’t taken well. Instead, both Kristy and Alexandria left with a friend. Alone, because Sylvia had gone to bed with James hours before, I dejectedly wandered back to my bed and passed out by myself.

The next evening, as I climb into my bed, ready to enjoy an evening alone with Sylvia, I received a text from Kristy. Drunk, cold, and tired, she wanted a place to crash. Eager to be the lucky knight in shining armor, I spirited away. Once again, only getting my hopes up. She decided she was perfectly content to sleep on the couch despite my best overtly sexual attempts. This of course only stirred things up with Sylvia, as she attempted to stay with James, but was denied by a locked door and some snoring.

The weekend was fun, but I didn’t get any. And while that isn’t my ‘end all, be all’ goal for this relationship, a change would be nice.

Some words and stuff, meow. It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, so there’s a lot to cover, and this will be a lot of summarizin’ and shit. 

Since last time I wrote, Ron and James and I all had a talk about things. We told him that everything was alright with Ron and that he and I could proceed in any way that he wanted. There was a mild amount of awkwardness, but it’s better to push through it than let it sit, so that’s what we did. A bit later, James and I were texting about things and he decided that we should definitely not have a relationship, but we could be ‘fuck buddies’/’friends’. I adore him, but I’d rather have that than nothing.

It’s been good, so far. We hung out twice last week. We were going to spend Friday afternoon together, but he’s been sick, so he didn’t go to class or anything. I came over to the house (where they live) on Friday and we had a little get together, and I got pretty wasted. Apparently he put up with my nightmarish drunk-self enough to let me spend the night with him, but I can’t remember a lot of it. 

Since then he’s been a little (more) distant (than usual), so I’m not sure if I said anything ridiculous while I was drunk, or if he thinks it’s too much, or if he’s just sick. I’m about to go ask him if he wants to hang out tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll let you know how that goes next time I post.